What if Pants Had AI?

The trademark has already been applied for.

James Fitzsimmons

James Fitzsimmons

— 2 min read
What if Pants Had AI?
Photo by Mnz / Unsplash

This was the question I was asked tonight as I helped with the PJ's and the nighttime routine. She mentioned that you could just ask your pants for more pockets, and then it dawned on me:

We could call them SmartyPants®️

Not only would you be able to add pockets at will, but you could increase the size!

Had one too many donuts? Ask your pants to adjust!

"Hey Pants" I could say "Increase!" and just like that I would lose weight as the pants got bigger - not me. This is what the USA needs. We have the big trucks with the big seats and the smart features so I think smart pants are the future folks.

Think about all the other things that would benefit from AI:

  1. Airplanes. Stuffed like a sardine in Economy? Just ask your seat to evict your neighbor! It's like business class for free. The airlines would have to book fewer people per flight which in turn would make for even more room.
  2. Food! Go to some fancy restaurant and the portions are too small? Just talk to your plate to add more food! No more dealing with snooty waiters. Waiting for your takeout order to be handed it to you even though you can see it waiting behind the counter? Ask your food to come over and ta-da! - no more waiting.
  3. Exercise. We're already there anyway with electric bikes and scooters and I haven't seen a old school pedal-powered bike in forever so this would be a great addition: no more pedaling! Just ask your pants to adjust accordingly due to the lack of pedaling.

Seriously though - to answer my little one's question:

Pants with AI would be a bad idea. We want AI to cure cancer and make life a better place for you. Not write crappy blog posts or auto post to your twitter feed or to help you shop on Amazon or trap you in a support bot hell with a chat bot not helping you at all.

Hopefully you will not see Smarty Pants:®️ and instead you will see AI provide you with cures for cancer and help people be happier and healthier. That's what I want you to see with AI in your future.

Leave the pants out of this.

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