Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Let's all be llamas!

    Llamas

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    yes. llamas.

    I have to tell you I did not see this coming. I know we were invited to a Halloween party and that we would get dressed up – but the last I paid attention, the plan was to go as the SpongeBob trio.

    I would be squidward - because, of course and the child and BW would be Patrick and SB. They could decide who would be what.

    Easy right? - square box painted yellow for SB, and a pink bodysuit for Patrick and you’re done

    The powers that run my world decided that this costume would be llamas.

    I told BW don’t go buying 3 llama suits on Amazon and dropping 100 bucks because we’ll be in this for all of an hour or so.

    She didn’t, but they did go to the dollar store for supplies for the homemade llama costumes and while they didn’t blow 100 bucks…all I can say is shit ain’t cheap any more - even at the dollar store.

    The project was supposed to be a mother/daughter thing and I was fine with this because crafts are not really my thing and those two love it.

    Here’s what really happened: The child hung out in the family room for a while and watched TV while BW roped me into the Llama creation. I taped,I glued, wrapped the back of the couch and the floor in anticipation of paint mishaps.

    And then there’s the state of the family room. This morning the room was tidy. That is not it’s state any more - there’s cardboard and brown paper and god knows what else all over the place. If you need a pen there’s a good chance one is buried in there somewhere.

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    The llama? Number 1 is getting there but we (the royal we) have until the 30th to get two more llama costumes ready.

    BW says to me - You’ll have to wear a black catsuit.

    Me: NO.

    Stay tuned for more llama updates. :)

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. The firefighting continues

    It’s amazing what makes an impression.

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    She had the firefighters show up at school and this is how we knew about the fire presentation yesterday at the fire hall to celebrate fire prevention week.

    Well. It has made an impression.

    My day started with “Hey Dad! I need a black t-shirt”. She doesn’t have a black t-shirt because she’s 7. She has t-shirts with unicorns and pink and inspiratiional messages - but no black - that comes at 13 years old.

    So, she had to improvise. She found her uniform from the school when she was in Argentina this summer and decided that was close enough to be a firefighter.

    Later, we went to the park where she was of course, still dressed up as a firefighter. I did manage to get her to leave the hat in the car because cheap firefighter hats and wind don’t match.

    This is the same playground we went to last week so we were really expecting the same, but I guess the city is on a tear - and off in the distance was another playground so we went to that for a bit. There then was an entire discussion on what playground had the best stuff and she decided that ours nearby was the best because just like in real estate - location is everythng.

    Then she saw what I did not even know existed. An outdoor Gym.

    “Dad! you can get buff”, she told me.

    Dad did not get buff. Dad realized he is very out of shape and when trying to exercise without adult supervision - thing will hurt. I am pretty sure you’re not supposed to hear creaking sounds but I guess we’re there now.

    But - she had a blast. We tried all the equipment and she laughed at her old man trying to exercise for the first time in a while so I am glad I was her entertainment.

    We decided the elliptical machine was the easiest and the sit-ups were the hardest.

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    I finally convinced her that all the working out makes you (Dad) tired and that we should probably go home but then when we got home she realized she had just one more fire to put out.

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    Dad? he went into the house and had a nap. That one sit-up nearly killed him.

    Stay tuned for tomorrow’s fire to put out.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Fighting fires instead of bedtimes.

    I knew this was coming and it’s my opinion it was a bad idea.

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    I was right, too.

    Taking the child anywhere on a Friday night when we should be home having dinner and relaxing is a bad idea. Why?

    Because she’s a dumpster fire by then.

    So what did we do? Went to the local FD and with the rest of the community watched the firefighters light a dumpster on fire.

    gemini generated image yoinyoinyoinyoin

    We brought home enough firefighter swag to choke a horse - and saw a real firefighting horse too. We also saw them take apart a car with the jaws of life.

    An aside about the jaws of life: I would not have wanted to be the occupants of the car they were using for demonstration because as I watched this I thought: wow, these guys are taking a long time. It took them a good five minutes to get the passenger door open

    note to self: don’t ride shotgun in a late 2000’s Corolla. ever.

    And then of course, the big finale - setting stuff on fire. The kids in the audience were not thrilled with the selection of stuff they chose to place in the practice fire dumpster as there were a few things that looked perfectly good including a scooter, a Yoda toy, a Troll and and a squishmallow.

    I would love to tell you that she was a bundle of joy but she was tired before we went so there was some whining and overall belligerence but so it goes.

    The hit of the event was the police command center where they let the kids control the security camera on the outside. I looked up and the camera was spinning like a top so I went inside and of course it was my child that was at the helm.

    We came home had a quick meal and then she did what she needed to do: stop, drop and roll (over and go to bed)

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    At least they had coloring books and crayons.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. We're going to need a bigger basement

    At least today I knew what I was looking for.

    mathyas kurmann fb7ynpbt0l8 unsplash Photo by Mathyas Kurmann on Unsplash

    A mailbox.

    Yup, the child and I drove across town to pick up an mailbox. It’s white and has somebody’s house number on it.

    “I have plans for it. The child is going to love it, she said.

    And we were off to go get it.

    The child and I pull up to a very well kept home that was a small bungalow. As we walked hand in hand up the driveway the child says to me: “I don’t like little houses - they’re MEH to me”, she shrugged.

    NEWS FLASH: the Child has opinions

    Oh, the mailbox? BW has plans for this thing: NEXT SPRING.

    Where is it now? In the basement.

    Somebody’s basement lost a mailbox and ours gained a mailbox.

    The mailbox circle of life continues for another day…

    The child is very very very excited about the APEX running thing that they do for fundraising. Tomorrow the child gets to wear a HAT to school because they won some challenge - she’s excited about the win - she could care less about the hat thing.

    THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN SPONSOR HER>> CLICK HERE <<

    So far she’s raised $50 but she needs $350.00. No pressure or anything but:

    DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS OPPORTUNITY. OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY NOW.

    YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

    She is so so excited about running for 40 minutes straight. FORTY. Tonight she made a video for BW to post to Facebook to fund raise from friends and family because we may as well have Facebook be good for something at least.

    She washed her face, combed her hair, put on her APEX shirt and matching badge and then practiced the speech about 100 times.

    She’s put some effort into this - NOW IT’S YOUR TURN

    pxl 20261008 230716086 edit she’s so excited about this

    LAST CHANCE TO SPONSOR HER NOW. DON’T DELAY

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  5. The quest for free stuff

    I’m always going onto strangers front porches and taking stuff.

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    Today? I was going for some sauce apparently.

    Here’s how this all went down:

    It’s Wednesday so that means that it’s Ninja Class at 4:30 and during the short half an hour or so the child was home a lot happened

    First, that the child decided that she needed to make a fort of two Chewy boxes1 and one Amazon box and then she decided it was an office printer and she was inside the box spewing paper through the slot in the bottom of the box.

    While this was happening, BW was working hard2 from the sofa and she found that one of our neighbors was giving away FREE sauce.

    She texts me the address of this place that has a sauce surplus and the child and I are out the door to Ninja Class.

    Class is over and we’re off to get whatever it is on the front porch. Usually for this kind of Facebook trading the person with the stuff puts the stuff on the front porch and labels it.

    There were a few other things on there - somebody named Susan was getting a blender or something. So I park the car, tell the child I will be right back and go get whatever the heck it is. I’m not too worried because they usually label the thing

    Except this time. It’s been a minute so by now the child has determined that I need help so now there’s two of us standing on some strangers porch having a conversation about what stuff we should take?

    I text BW and no reply so she’s no help with this mystery.

    Finally, the owner comes out and wonders why we’ve been on her porch for the last 10 minutes. We explain that BW sent us to get something but we don’t know what that something is.

    The very nice lady set us straight and told us to take one sauce package and not the entire box.

    And I am supposed to know that how? All I had for info was an address and the child telling me it was “food” of some kind.

    I deduced that chances are with this information that the box with food would make the most sense and there was no label on the box like there was for Susan’s blender- so it was easy to get confused about what to take from somebody’s front porch.

    Next time -and there will be a next time - I will be more specific with the questions of what I am taking from somebody’s front porch

    OH! We almost made it climbing up the wall today:

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    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

    1. the dog gets to eat for a few more months now. ↩

    2. I’m no sure how Facebook is considered work but hey, who am I to talk? ↩

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