Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. THE PROCESS WORKED

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    “I know!!” she snapped at me as I reminded her to give the note to Eugene again.

    I really didn’t have much trust in the process as she walked across the street this morning and got on the bus.

    She came home from school and of course the first thing I asked her was “Did you give Eugene the note?”

    “YES!!” she snapped again. “Dad, stop”.

    Okay, I will stop.

    I just want to not have YOU to miss a birthday party because we lost the invite on the fridge. Also, we will have more walkie-talkies than occupants of the house - so there’s that.

    I have a new job. I am the pusher. The SWING pusher.

    It’s been two days straight where the weather has been really really nice and she has wanted to go to the park. The trouble? she wants me to come and push her on the swings - so I did my Dad duty and went and was the pusher on the swings.

    I didn’t know she loved the swings so much to be honest, but today we were swinging for a good half an hour and it was the same yesterday too.

    I push, she requests to go higher. I explain that’s as high as it gets - she squeals higher again as if the thing I just said didn’t get spoken.

    While we were swinging I started to warm her up to the idea that this birthday party might not happen if the stars don’t align and the note doesn’t get delivered. I told her that if that happens, we will find something else to do.

    I also had a plan to knock on Simon’s door up the street because maybe his Mom had the invite as I think the rule is that if you send invites to school you have to invite the entire class so by theory Simon should have been invited and maybe his parents are more on the ball and didn’t lose the freaking invitation.

    Anyway.

    I was on push number 4,276 when my phone buzzed. It was Eugene’s Mom - WE ARE SO GOING. THANK GOD. The little 7-year-old courier system didn’t let me down.

    Good Job!

    And then we just kept swinging because the birthday party on Saturday can wait, but the swinging in good weather?

    That ends sooner than we will like.

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  2. TRUST THE PROCESS

    She came home thrilled the other day from school.

    lidya nada md ha01bk7c unsplash 1

    Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

    She had been invited to the very first 2nd Grade birthday party for her classmate. We will call him Eugene - not his real name.

    The invitation has been on our bulletin board for a good week - until today when it’s not.

    We currently have the following tacked on to our bulletin board:

    1. a public service announcement about how to prevent ticks
    2. School Calendar
    3. September Lunch and Breakfast menu for the school
    4. My honey-do list.
    5. it could probably be pitched but it’s still here - a sheet with the child’s school itinerary.

    What I don’t have anywhere is the freaking invite. I have the gift on order - but at this point I have no idea where or when this birthday party is.

    Of course these days you can’t just call the school and say - hey, can you give me the phone number for Eugene’s Mom?

    Because: privacy.

    And it’s not the teacher’s job to solve our problem - she sent the invite home with the child - she doesn’t get paid enough to deal with this problem.

    This is definitely a ME problem.

    This leaves me with no option but to trust the process but I have to tell you guys - the process is looking pretty shaky:

    For this to work I have to trust two 7-year-old’s to communicate that one parent of one 7-year-old lost the birthday party invite for the other 7-year-old

    This assumes that child A can remember to give the note I sent with her to Child B whom we hope can give the note to his parents so they can call me and let me know where this party is.

    I think I would have better luck if I communicated by carrier pigeon than the current system I am left with.

    I have instructed the child on how this needs to go down if she wants to be celebrating Eugene’s party on Saturday:

    1. Take note I put in your folder for school.
    2. Give note to Eugene. Express the importance that this note be taken home and shown to his parents.

    And then we wait.

    Maybe the note will get delivered - maybe it will be found 300 million years from now under a swing set.

    Both options have even odds.

    I do know that if this little plan of mine is a success I will have solved the most complicated communication problem since the invention of the text message.

    And if this doesn’t work? I will have an upset child and a camouflage walkie talkie set and no party to go to.

    I will know how to remove ticks though - so there’s that.

    Also: Friday is Pizza Day.

    Fingers Crossed, TH and Co.

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  3. THERE"S SOMETHING ABOUT TUESDAYS

    I am amazed every morning

    elijah ekdahl 5vscqz le88 unsplashPhoto by Elijah Ekdahl on Unsplash

    But this morning I was sure it was going to happen:

    We were going to miss the school bus

    The bus is scheduled for 8:13. Because I am who I am, I like to have shoes on, out the door by 8:00am - maybe a little after so we don’t miss the bus.

    This gives us a bit of breather if some sh*t hit the fan on the home stretch.

    At 7:45 this morning, she was still at cranky/won’t eat/won’t get dressed - nothing. She told me “I don’t wanna” so many times I told her she used them all up now for the rest of the week and now anything out of her mouth now has to be “Yes Dad”

    I set a timer: T-minus 14 minutes. And then just like that - I dunno if it’s the timer or she just has some internal clock - breakfast and clothing happens in a matter of minutes. We even had time for toothbrush a hairbrush and we were out the door early for the bus. Not real early, but we were outside waiting.

    I don’t know how she lives like that. I hate, hate hate being late if I can help it. Sure, we all sleep in or lose track of time but for the important stuff like school buses and airplanes I need to be there so I don’t miss the thing.

    Maybe it’s genetic on her mother’s side - the “lalalalala..Oh, I guess I should go” attitude about time and appointments.

    Meanwhile, Dad feels like a coach for the Olympics trying to juggle milk for cereal, socks on feet and finding the lost shoe that should have been found the night before - all while trying to deal with the dog that decides that it needs to go outside now and it’s doing it’s best to get between you and a shoe that’s getting put on a little uncooperative foot.

    By the time the school bus does show up I am a nervous wreck and almost need a Xanax to calm down. School day mornings take years off my life I tell you.

    Years.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. I AM THE PLATFORM

    Maybe I am getting older and crankier - or the internet is just a complete pile of doo-doo lately but I think it’s time for me to dial back to simpler times where I owned the platform my writing is on.

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    The latest to get this treatment is Tidy Husband.

    For the past few years I have hosted it through substack but over the past year I feel that it’s become more of a platform with likes and videos and fees and feeds and OH. MY. IT’S A LOT

    It’s just too much.

    What happened to the older internet? The “back in the day” internet where you would surf and find neat and interesting things instead of getting sold to 24/7?

    So…with a little help from an AI robot for wiring up the plumbing bits - I’ve gone back in time to 2001 and created a little platform of my own where I can write and share photos here without building my house on land I don’t own.

    You have to do nothing but read - and share if you want.

    I’d ask you to like this post but you can’t and that’s kind of the point.

    The big excitement here today is minimal: she got her flu shot.

    raghavendra v konkathi v9idw3hqkb4 unspl Photo by Raghavendra V. Konkathi on Unsplash

    I warned her that Monday AM was the time, and she understood this year that getting a needle in your arm is WAY BETTER THAN GETTING THE FLU and she got the idea.

    There was a little apprehension as she left today to go with BW to the clinic, but meltdowns. When I asked BW later how it went, she said that there was some kicking and screaming but when it was done the child turned around and told BW:

    “that wasn’t so bad”

    After school she was proud to show off her robot band-aid and from what I can glean - she told her new friend Vera and that she should get a flu shot too because “getting the flu is a lot worse than the shot”

    And she has the robot bandaid as proof…and…we are good for another year.

    Until Next Time, and hoping this lands in your mailbox:

    TH and Co.

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  5. Go Find a Friend

    It started when I decided to put away the lawn furniture.

    two chairs on grass

    Photo by David Trinks on Unsplash

    I took the opportunity of a nice (almost) fall day to put away the lawn furniture because nobody is sitting outside any more even if we get a few more bonus days before the snow flies.

    Whilst in the garden shed, I found her soccer net and soccer ball. It took me a minute to find the little adapter for the pump to blow up the soccer balls but we found it and we had all the ingredients for a soccer game.

    Except friends to play with.

    So, BW and I both took turns between other outdoor tasks to play soccer but after a while the adults have to go adult and do adult stuff. BW had work to do inside and I had to finish the furniture task before dinner.

    “Play with me”, was the plea.

    We could, but that would require stopping what we were doing and we already played soccer. Mom and Dad are busy - press 3 to leave a message. Better yet - go play at the park!

    The brand new playground that you can see from the house has kids your age over there and I bet that they would love to play soccer with you.

    She thought about this and then went into the house to get a shoulder bag and somehow she managed to fit a soccer ball, a baseball bat and other goodies in the bag and off to the park she went. She didn’t come back for a good hour so I am assuming a friend was found and some playing happened.

    We left the net on the front lawn - that way we can get a quick game in before the school bus arrives.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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