I Don't Like or Use Emojis

A guide to writing with words instead.

Photo by Denis Cherkashin on Unsplash | Go ahead, pick a winner.

Right now, somebody else (probably much much younger) is using more emojis in the text message to their friend about some mundane thing than I have ever used in my life.

Simply put, I’m not cool on the internet.

My 6-year-old thinks I am cool but she doesn’t know any better and thinks socks and sandals are a thing. My subscriber count also can confirm my lack of cool-ness and after this post might reinforce it even more.

All this lack of cool comes from my laziness. Also I like to communicate with words, not tiny little images my old eyes can’t see. Is that a rocketship or.. oh, nevermind. I will just write the words: rocket ship.

There. done. No rocket ship emoji needed. I didn’t need to look up the right one or choose from a million different smiley faces or remember some keyboard shortcut to represent the exact emotion I need to convey in a text message about what we are having for dinner. “Hot Dogs” are just six letters - you can do this.

And don’t get me started on the poo-moji. Once again, if it’s shit (like this post is) then just say so. It’s shit. poo. doo-doo. whatever. Go ahead - say it. It’s okay.

(Just don’t say poo at the kitchen table because we do have some decorum here.)

It’s like the saying “If you don’t have something nice to say….”. My version would be that if you can’t express it with words then don’t bother.

Heck, I had needle in my eye today and here I am filled with Tylenol and hopes that this is the post that makes me internet famous by writing with words.

That right, words: not emojis.

On Getting A Poke In The Eye

I want to become the no emoji guy. I want to be the Bernie Sanders of emojis: It’s a good idea but it will never take because we’ve all been fed the emoji kool-aid and it’s too late to stop.

Despite all my protests I am afraid emoji’s are here to stay. But less emojis and more great writing is what I need in this world.

This post was inspired by part of this note by Kevin Joyce where he writes about what works when writing on substack.

Emojis work. I hate it. But here we are. 😒👏🦖🚀☄️🤹

I hate it too. But I’m rebelling against the gurus and the emojis here on substack. If I wanted to read cartoons I would subscribe to Mad Magazine. (which is awesome BTW) and not hang around here where all the cool writers live.

Tell me stories. I don’t need to see another poomoji thanks. I’m good.

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We Have That at Home

Today’s WHTAH is a pink plastic hair brush

This might be the least used item in our home. The child hates, hates and hates having her hair combed. So much so that the solution is: short hair.

There. Problem solved.

She wants to have long hair like her friends so badly but she will not let us near her with this hairbrush.

I noticed that the hairbrush was out today and she told me she brushed her hair so maybe, maybe there’s hope that whatever hang up she has about hair brushing will end soon.