Dear Roborock.

A love letter to our favorite robot vaccuum robot manufacturer.

Dear Roborock,

This holiday season we were gifted one of your models - I forget which one as you electronics folks seem to think that naming your models like QZ7-56-BLK is a name that rolls of the tip of our tongue like water on a ducks back. You should take a hint from Apple - have you ever heard of “iPhone”? I have, and I’m only six-years-old. I can also recognize the McDonald’s Arches from 2 miles away. My Dad says I have superpowers.

SPOILER ALERT: Your naming sucks.

We have named our specific model RUMIIIIIII. It sounds like the other brand that makes robot vacuums but is different enough that their legal team is not bothered by this similar name.

My Dad and I just want you to know we have some thoughts about using this model and any of your models. First, have you considered entering the entertainment niche with your devices? We have cancelled all our streaming plans and now just follow “RUMIIIIIII” around all day because OMG our floors have never been so clean! and it’s so much fun watching her zip around the house and scaring the Dog.

But the real reason I am writing is that we find your marketing messaging lacking and want to show you what we think would be a better fit for your brand.

First, you need a team. Maybe a marketing team? (see my note about the naming above. This needs work. Seriously, dudes)

I have taken the liberty to design a new look for your company golf shirts:

I’m thinking a pale green and rainbow tie-die would look nice, because those are the colors I wore to school today.

And…like as I mentioned above - your naming of this device is horrible. Period.

Please see below. I feel this is the right look for your print advertising:

Not one company has ever used SEVEN I’s in their product name before and you could be an industry leader in this space. Also, I feel that the logo also shows the device itself and it’s dock so that the customer will get a more precise idea of what they are paying. These things aren’t cheap and we feel it’s best to be up front in the product marketing that it be constant and representative of the products across your entire lineup.

Then there’s the enthusiasm for your products. Do you know who your fans are? I do. My Dad loves his RUMIIIIIII (trademark pending - don’t even try to infringe) and has a entire diary just about his new RUMIIIIIII (remember what I said about the trademark - this is your final warning)

That’s right. Your biggest fan is my Dad. He’s such a big fan he has a secret diary about his love for his RUMIIIIIII:

I know I’m not supposed to peek into other’s diaries but I could not help myself just this one time and look what I found!

Sorry for the lack of spelling. It’s “hearts”. He knows better, I would have a word with him but then he would know I was reading his diary so this time I will let it slip and we can edit it in post-production.

I think a Roborock diary club would be a great way to increase your sales. In addition to all the accessories you sell like cleaner, and mop heads - if you added a diary club and then you could sell markers because they dry out when the caps get left off (ask me how I know) and of course the diaries themselves. And don’t get me started about the idea for RUMIIIIIII trading cards I have..

I’m looking forward to some free swag at least for all these ideas. Creativity isn’t free you know - You’re paying for my marketing experience. I am six-years-old after all and at least I KNOW WHAT AN IPHONE IS.

Bro, Seriously.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

The Child.