I may have oversold this post
Anyway, a few headlines from today:
CHILD FINDS TOY AFTER PARENTS BUY REPLACEMENT - PARENTS MIFFED, CHILD THRILLED.
Grand Island NY — A lost toy that was assumed gone for good was found one day later in laundry hamper
“We looked everywhere”, the father of the child was quoted to say
Reports state that the missing toy was found in the washing machine.
Authorities are unsure of which load of laundry the toy was found in but investigations are under way
“Now my life is complete”, the child was reported saying.
CHILD REFUSES TO PUT AWAY TOYS. CHILD IN TEARS. PARENTS STATE CARDBOARD IS NOT FURNITURE.
Grand Island, NY — A child refused to put away toys temporarily stored in a discarded Amazon Box today. Reports are that the cardboard box was decorated as a castle and the toys inside were favorites and could not be mixed in with other toys in toy box.
“They’re different”, the child was quoted as saying.
Contents of the different toys are still under investigation but at time of publication the box contained smaller cardboard boxes, 3 squishallows, a travel pillow and a doll and stuffed bunny.
Talks broke down at approximately 1:20pm this afternoon after both sides could not come to agreement over the term of the word “furniture”.
“It’s a freaking box”, the parent was quoted as saying but reports are the child stated that the cardboard box is not any cardboard box but her castle, and her castle is her home.
Investigations are underway, but parents were seen requesting that all future Amazon deliveries be made in envelopes.
FATHER CREATES NEW SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER TO ENCOURAGE KIDS TO READ
Grand Island, NY — Today about 8 pm this evening a father started another newsletter in an effort to encourage kids to read. The father states that kids and skarks are a great team and if they read a book, they win a shark.
“That’s the pitch” he was quoted as saying “read a book - win a shark”
“I should not have to call my lawyer” the man was reported saying when he took his child to redeem candy for reading books the experience was far from positive. shark club was created to encourage kids to read books and when they do - they win a shark
The writer is currently fundraising to send out real vinyl shark stickers. The newsletter, with only one introductory post currently is reported to have just one subscriber and zero audience to date is currently still working toward the goal.
Estimated paid subscribers needed to buy 100 stickers for testing is just seven at 5 dollars a month - reports say. Readers are encouraged to become paid subscribers because the project is real now: send real shark stickers to kids for reading a book.
The man further stated that if nobody pays to subscribe, he’s just going to buy the stickers despite stink eye from wife. “I made a deal - read a book - win a shark” the man was quoted saying as he shopped for custom sticker manufacturers.
Wife refused to comment further. This story is still developing.
Until Next Time,
TH and Co.